Being Likable Takes Energy...and It’s Worth It

I once lived in London during my early twenties, a time when zipping around central London was usually best done by train or bus. One day, after work, I hopped onto a double-decker bus and sat facing a woman with the most adorable baby. All I wanted was to see a smile on that sweet little face. So I tried everything goofy facial expressions, silly baby noises, you name it. But no matter what I did, the baby remained totally unamused.

Here’s the catch: my friend was seated at the other end of the bus. She could see me pulling strange faces and making odd sounds, but she had no idea there was a baby in the front of me. When we got off at the same stop, she asked, looking genuinely concerned if I was feeling okay. That’s when it hit me: being likable (or entertaining, in this case) isn’t always glamorous and effortless. Sometimes it takes real energy and even a bit of harmless embarrassment!

It Takes Effort to Be Likable

It doesn’t matter who you’re trying to connect with, it could be your children, a spouse, coworkers, or neighbors, showing genuine interest takes work.

Asking about someone’s day, dancing with your toddler to a cartoon jingle when all you really want is to plop on the couch, or even offering help to a colleague who isn’t your biggest fan all of these actions require energy. And if you want to build real, lasting relationships, you have to put in that energy.

Remember What Matters

One of the easiest ways to be more likable is to show that you care about what’s important to others. A great place to start is with something most of us overlook: names. Think about how special it feels when someone remembers (and correctly pronounces) your name, especially if they’re someone influential or you’ve only met them once. It immediately makes you feel seen and valued.

I try to remember people’s names by associating them with a characteristic or a catchy phrase. For instance, if someone’s name is Sally, I might think of her as “Sweet Sally.” The next time I see her, the word “sweet” helps me recall that her name starts with S.

It is also important to keep track of small details people share like their birthday, their favorite hobby, or even their pet’s name.

Another thing I always try to do when I meet someone for the first time, I always make sure that I listen and try to remember one thing about them. For example, if I meet someone for the first time and in our conversation they shared that they have a big event coming up, when I see the person the next time, I start our conversation with, "how was your big event?" trust me, that little detail goes a long way in putting the person at ease and forging a better relationship.

But there is no shortcut here: you have to listen first. When you’re in a conversation, resist the urge to scroll through your phone or let your mind wander.

Be present, ask follow-up questions, and make mental notes (or jot them down right after the conversation) if it helps. These little acts of attention can lead to big gains in building trust and warmth.

Beyond just remembering names, events etc., it is important to pay attention to your 'resting face'. For the longest time, I had no idea my natural expression seemed to say, "say hi and keep it going".

Once I discovered this, I actually practiced different resting faces in front of a mirror. Whenever I catch myself slipping into that unapproachable look, I reset with a quick smile. It’s surprisingly effective... try this!

Want to know what your resting face says about you? Ask your brutally honest friend for their take! If someone has hinted that your usual facial expression could use an update, why wait? Change it now!

We often think of likability as something you are just born with, this is what I used to think. My brother can make friends so easily, so I assumed that it was 'his nature'. The truth is that forming genuine connections requires intentional effort. From trying to coax a smile out of a baby to remembering someone’s name, each small gesture is a step toward deeper, more meaningful relationships.

The next time you catch yourself wishing you had better connections, ask yourself: Have I put enough energy into being likable? Even a simple smile or a question about someone’s day can go a long way. It’s not always easy, but it’s absolutely worth it.

Share how you have make friends below!